Getting (in) Your (own) Way

During a private session one of my clients made a classical Freudian slip. In a self-congratulatory moment she commented, "I think I am getting this in my own way." When she heard herself she had to laugh. “ I think I just found the problem,” she chuckled.

Famed scholar Alan Watts called his biography In My Own Way. It has a double meaning. First it sounds like, "I did it my way", the lyrics from Frank Sinatra’s great song. But the hidden meaning of the title was more subtle. He was actually signaling with his classic humor that everything was perfect in his life, except that he kept getting in his own way. More than we can ever know, we are the obstruction in our own lives.

I have interviewed thousands of people who wanted to solve a major problem. Each dialogue climaxed in a burst of clarity when they realized that they were their own problem. We all stand in our own way. There is only one point of resistance to the wonder and beauty of any event, and that is our own point of view. Perhaps that offers a clue as to why things never seem to work out. In the words of Jackson Brown,
"No matter how fast I run, I can never seem to get away from me."

Resistance to 'the way it is' causes upset and pain. Upset unleashes an unconscious sequence -- fear, anger, depression, hate and suffering. Negative attitudes cause us to think poorly of others. That leads to unkind words and actions aimed at hurting them in return. But those actions only brand us in the eyes of other people. Gossip and whiney voice tones signal people not to trust us. They know that they will be the next topic of conversation. Doors close. Opportunities slip away. We have unknowingly woven the web of our own deprivation. How can our careers grow when we have poisoned our own environment?

Here is the good news. As soon as we notice how our point of view creates our reality, our inner wisdom kicks in. Our higher nature comes alive when we are willing to give up our side of the argument. The simple act of making everything all right opens feelings of love and appreciation. Simple awareness jump-starts the heart. Compassion and respect cleanse the windows of perception. Life is good.

You (ego) might be the problem. But you (essence) exist apart from the world of problems. You are the quiet, patient, infinite witness who views your life with compassion and wisdom. Struggling to solve imaginary problems exacerbates the damage. You get in the way. Quiet contemplation of events as they unfold removes the weapons from your mind. You disappear. Time passes in relative bliss.

You can learn to step aside and stop sabotaging yourself by investing more time with people who see the bigger picture. Spend your days with people who enjoy life. Build your career on people who love to create harmony. As you lose yourself in activities you love you might lose some false friends and give up some easy money, but over the long haul you will find yourself living a wonderful life -- a life without your point of view in it.

--Martin Sage