A Fortunate Encounter
excerpt from the book "Living Your Adventure"

In 1975 I took an internship as a psychotherapist in a mental health center. No one in my extended family had ever attended college. I had completed doctoral coursework, and was proud to be entering the field of psychology.

At the same time, I was in a lot of pain emotionally. Long years of academic struggle and the weird politics of graduate school had left me a bit jaded. I had unknowingly succumbed to a cynical, judgmental view of reality. From my parents and my village I had acquired a suspicious outlook toward people. Only now I didn?t call people names. I gave them diagnoses.

One of my associates was a transpersonal psychiatrist who was introduced to me as Harry Hermon, a Psychiatrist of Russian descent. I took an instant dislike to him. When my supervisor noticed my resistance, he placed me in the same clinic with the man, so we could ?work it out?.

Dr. Hermon struck me as a loud, obnoxious character. Most of the people on staff at the mental health center agreed that he was a loose cannon. When he showed up at the clinic at all, he was late. His schedule operated around his own timing, with little or no consideration for others.

Physically he reminded me of Pan, the mythical figure of Greek mythology. He lived for pleasure. When he wasn?t flirting with the women, he was talking loudly in self-absorbed terms about the meaning of life. There were rumors that he participated in orgies and that he had shared a mistress with famed Gestalt psychologist, Fritz Perls. I found his behavior appalling.

Certainly he lacked professionalism as I saw it. He was badly out of step with society, and seemed to be a good person to avoid. Unfortunately, he seemed to take some pleasure in tormenting me. He laughed at me in front of my colleagues during staff meetings, and carried on as if he didn?t have a care in the world. His happiness seemed frivolous and irresponsible. Everyone on the team agreed with me that he was ?out there?. We called him Crazy Harry behind his back.

He really got to me one day during a staff meeting. He snickered at my diagnosis of a patient. ?That sounds more like you,? he snickered. I protested pompously, and he laughed right out loud at me. What burned me was that he didn?t give me constructive criticism or helpful advice. He had no right to make fun of me, especially in front of my colleagues. I snapped.

I gave him months of backed up anger and contempt, along with a loud speech about his inability to relate to the rest of the staff. But the louder I got, the brighter he looked. Suddenly I went white hot. I was so mad I couldn?t even see straight. For a moment, I thought I was going to lose control and do something really stupid. In that split second between realities, I realized that I was already doing something stupid, and this character was really enjoying it.

In the heat of the moment my perceptions shifted abruptly. I woke up to a different world. I saw Dr. Hermon?s features change right in front of my eyes. Where I had been seeing cynicism and carelessness, I recognized innocence, and curiosity. What I had been seeing as derision, I now saw as delight. He was genuinely enjoying me, just as a loving parent would enjoy the antics of a precocious youngster.

The worst part was that by now I had everybody else on my side. My associates could see my point of view, and I had just lost my point of view. I remember stammering and feeling horrible that I had wronged this man.

Dr. Hermon was gracious. "Before you can see your reflection in the pool, you have to still the waters," he smiled. His words touched me. I had an all-pervasive feeling that everything was all right--that I was all right.

His words seemed to have a completely different meaning for the other people who were present. They were still relating to my sarcasm and condescension. Meanwhile I was feeling as light as a feather. I wondered if I was losing touch with reality. My confusion seemed to increase his merriment considerably.

I tried to apologize, and the meeting fell away in awkward segments as people dissolved back to their responsibilities. It seemed like I was a stranger in my own life as I left that room and worked my way back to my office. I stayed back there all day, avoiding everyone as much as possible. I waited until I couldn?t hear anyone moving around in the building, and then slipped out to leave for the day. As I passed Dr. Hermon?s office, I saw that he hadn?t left yet. Clearly, he was waiting.

I stepped into his office and sat down, feeling a little stupid. Dr. Hermon was unconcerned. He was doodling with something on his desk. Like a kid he showed me some scrawling he was making with a pencil of some simple geometric shapes. He called them mandalas. Normally, my cynicism would have made me judge his drawings. This time I was touched by his forthright manner. I felt compelled to ask him some questions right from my heart.

"Why are you so happy, Dr Hermon?"

"Please call me Harry." He laughed. "What makes you think I am happy?"

"You don?t seem to have any worries." "Why worry? Life is hard enough."

"You are certainly happier than me." I confessed.

"That isn?t saying much." He smiled. "Life is to enjoy, and you don?t seem to be enjoying the party."

He was right about that. I had spent my entire life trying to prove that I was taking things seriously enough to be taken seriously myself. We all play roles in life, as parents, children, friends, bosses, and so on. My primary role was the good son. When I looked at myself now, I saw that I wasn"t the "responsible one" who could make things all right for my family.

I wasn't a psychotherapist, either. "How did I get here," I wondered. Who had chosen this life for me? Had I given up myself to please people? Was there anything left of the real me? I loved my mother and my professors, and I would have become almost anything to please them. But I had lost myself. Sadness welled up in me. I felt alone.

As we spoke I began to feel a strange sensation. It had always seemed to me that I was a small creature orbiting a big world of rules and expectations. I felt insignificant in a cosmos in which my life didn?t really mean anything. I would do anything to be accepted, or even to just be allowed to be a part of it. But sitting there with Dr. Hermon, the entire spinning sensation suddenly stopped. I could literally feel myself existing in an easy state at the center of my life. People and things and events began to orbit me. I could actually see them moving around me. My entire figure-ground orientation shifted.

My Mother had often criticized self-centered people. "He thinks the world revolves around him" she loved to say. I had always promised myself to never be like that. But now I could clearly see that I was the core of my existence. But I wasn?t the character I had been playing to please others. I was myself, and I was free to become whoever I wanted.

My whole life I had strived to be a lone wolf. I had found inspirational coaches like Mr. Crupi, but the notion of a mentor had never occurred to me. Now I felt compelled to be around Dr. Hermon as much as possible. I had noticed that his patients made powerful, visible changes after only a few sessions, but I had always written that off as some kind of brainwashing?he was Russian after all. Now I want to sit in on his sessions so I could see how he worked with people. When lunchtime rolled around, I escorted him anywhere he wanted to go. He accepted my presence with some humor, and never tired of answering questions and telling stories.

Everyone can point to a series of turning points in life. Meeting Dr. Hermon was more than that. He dropped me into new dimensions of experience altogether. Over the next three years we leaped into one adventure after another. I learned to celebrate life, and by osmosis, I learned to love and accept all kinds of people. People became human beings in my eyes and in my heart.

Dr. Hermon transcended method or technique in how he worked with his patients. He just enjoyed them. He was an odd presence in that little Texas town. Our collaboration gave me a new perspective on life and it gave him a link to the local, American community.

Mr. Crupi had inspired me as a young man, but my connection to Dr. Hermon went beyond coaching. His aliveness changed my worldview and transformed me into a global player in the game of life. He took me under his wing and showed me a depth of being I could have never discovered on my own. I consider him my mentor.

The word mentor refers to a wise and trusted counselor or teacher. It comes from Odysseus?s trusted counselor in Greek mythology who channeled the wisdom of Athena. Mentoring implies a long-term connection that transports teacher and student into a deeper relationship to life. Both are dissolved into a greater dimension of life by a bond of profound trust and respect.

They say that when the student is ready, the master appears. I only know that my life has been a series of astonishing events and that I swim in much deeper waters because of my good fortune in meeting a crazy Russian psychiatrist in a small town in Texas.

--Martin Sage